I realized that I haven’t blogged since September – how has it been that long? I have been in a whirlwind of chaos and have been navigating life changes and facing fears left, right and center. I would have really benefited from blogging, now that I think about it!
My darling daughter, who is has just had her 8th birthday, has been thriving in second grade, despite my initial fears about Covid regulations and her ability to fit in and make friends. I feel awful having totally underestimated her. She can teach me a lot about self-confidence, walking to the beat of her own drum, and loving who she is – as she is.
My partner lost his job in October, the Thursday before Thanksgiving (yes, we are Canadian!). With that came a huge period of fear and panic on my end, and a somewhat alarming nonchalance from him. Once again, I could take a few lessons in self-confidence and certainty in everything working out. Maybe this is a pattern/theme? We spent a lovely long weekend at the family cabin and enjoyed the lake views and walks through the woods with our two insane dogs. Although I was exhausted, underpaid and overworked, I remained thankful to still hold my position with the property management company, and was eager to continue my working from home. My partner decided to do a few minor improvements in our home during the first few weeks of his unemployment, which was great as it gave him something to focus on and afforded me the opportunity to be productive as he was now home all the time. He expressed how much happier he was than when he was still working for the company. As a carpenter and project manager, the stress and pressure he endured was taking a huge and detrimental toll on him (and in turn our home life). During this project time, I posed a question: “Why are we not doing renovations together instead of working jobs we are both unsatisfied at?”
We made a business plan and presented it to our investors, then worked out how to start. As this was unfolding, I was laid off late November and fell into complete panic. I began to job search immediately, and much to my dismay realized that the job market was essentially dead. Upon talking to our investors, the decision was made not to seek out another job but instead to dive headfirst into unknown waters.
So we began the journey of self employment, which has been both exciting and terrifying. We started our own home renovation company, drawing on his skillset for finishing carpentry and construction, and my admin background and eye for design. Learning to communicate more efficiently and designating our own areas of ”control” has been a daunting task to day the least. We both crave feeling in charge, which is rough waters to navigate when living and working in partnership. There have been many arguments, many apologies and lots of making up. Now, 4 months in, we have finally reached a place of zen in the working relationship.
I have started working towards obtaining my Real Estate License and my partner has been doing an amazing job at turning the very original condition project home into something beautiful and welcoming. I still go to the project, but have been taking a more administrative approach and also working through some of my mental health needs (apparently past trauma and issues don’t just stop affecting you, even when there is a pandemic happening).
It’s been a whirlwind, but things are starting to come together, and in the midst of renovating this project house I think we are starting to renovate ourselves too. Breaking down the useless walls, creating a warmer and more functional space. Paying respect to the bones that brought us this far, and keeping space for growth and refreshment.